TL;DR
What you say to a PDA kid matters as much as what you ask them to do. This post is just scripts — organized by situation. Morning, homework, bedtime, transitions, mid-meltdown, and after. Save it. Screenshot it. Come back to it on the hard days.
I used to think I just needed to say the right thing firmly enough. Clearly enough. Calmly enough. That if I could just get the delivery right, my kid would follow through.
What I didn’t understand yet was that for a PDA child, it’s not about how you say something. It’s about whether what you’re saying registers as a demand. The moment it does — no matter how sweetly you phrased it — the nervous system fires and avoidance kicks in automatically.
So the goal isn’t better delivery. It’s removing the demand-feel entirely. Here’s exactly how that sounds in real life.
Morning Routine Scripts
Morning is the highest-demand time of day. Everything has a deadline, everything is a transition, and your child’s nervous system is barely warmed up. Here’s how to lower the temperature.
| Instead of saying… | Try this… |
|---|---|
| “Get up, we’re going to be late.” | “I’m making breakfast. Come when you’re ready — we have a little time.” |
| “Put your shoes on right now.” | “I’m grabbing my shoes. I wonder if yours want to come too.” |
| “You need to get dressed before breakfast.” | “Do you want to eat first or get dressed first? Up to you.” |
| “Stop playing and get ready.” | “The game will be here when we get home. What’s one more thing you want to do before we head out?” |
| “We leave in five minutes.” | “I’m going to start heading toward the door in a bit. No rush yet.” |
Homework Scripts
Homework might be the most loaded demand of the day. It arrives right after school — which means right after your kid has used every bit of compliance they had. The trick is making it feel like something they’re choosing, not something being done to them.
| Instead of saying… | Try this… |
|---|---|
| “Homework time. Sit down.” | “Whenever you’re ready, we can knock out the homework together. I’ll be at the table.” |
| “You can’t have screen time until homework is done.” | “Want to do the quick stuff first and then have a long screen time, or take a break and do it later?” |
| “Just do the math. It’s only ten problems.” | “Which one do you want to start with? You pick.” |
| “Stop complaining and do it.” | “This one does look annoying. Want me to do the writing while you tell me the answers?” |
| “Your teacher is going to be upset if you don’t turn this in.” | “Let’s just do what we can. Even half is better than nothing — and I’ll back you up.” |
Bedtime Scripts
Bedtime resistance in PDA kids is real, and it’s not manipulation — sleep itself can feel like a demand. Giving your child agency over the how (while keeping the general direction) makes a huge difference.
| Instead of saying… | Try this… |
|---|---|
| “It’s 8:30. Bedtime.” | “Do you want to start winding down now or in a few minutes?” |
| “Brush your teeth and get in bed.” | “Do you want to do teeth first or pajamas first tonight?” |
| “No more screen time. It’s bedtime.” | “The screen is getting tired. Want to pick a show for tomorrow before you close it?” |
| “Stop stalling and go to sleep.” | “You can read or listen to something quiet in your room. I’ll check on you in a bit.” |
| “You have school tomorrow. You NEED to sleep.” | “Your body knows what it needs. Just rest even if you don’t sleep — that still helps.” |
Transition Scripts
Transitions — leaving the house, ending screen time, switching activities — are among the hardest moments for PDA kids because every transition is essentially a demand to stop one thing and start another. Warning ahead of time helps, but how you warn matters.
| Instead of saying… | Try this… |
|---|---|
| “Five more minutes, then we’re leaving.” | “We’ll be heading out soon. Is there one last thing you want to finish first?” |
| “Turn it off now. We’re going.” | “Do you want to pause it or save it? We can pick back up later exactly where you are.” |
| “Stop what you’re doing. It’s time to go.” | “I’m putting my stuff together. Come find me when you’re at a stopping point.” |
| “We’re late! Let’s GO.” | “I’m heading to the car. I’ll wait for you there — take a second to grab what you need.” |
Mid-Meltdown Scripts
This is the hardest one. When the meltdown is already happening, your goal is not to fix it or reason through it. Your only goal is to not add fuel. These phrases are designed to lower the temperature — not solve the problem.
Rule for mid-meltdown: Less is more. Short sentences. No lectures. No logic. No consequences. Just presence and low-demand language.
| Instead of saying… | Try this… |
|---|---|
| “Calm down. You’re being ridiculous.” | “I’m right here. You don’t have to do anything right now.” |
| “If you don’t stop, there will be consequences.” | “Nothing is wrong between us. I’m not going anywhere.” |
| “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” | [Say nothing. Sit nearby. Let them know you’re safe without adding words.] |
| “Why are you acting like this over nothing?” | “This feels like a lot. You don’t have to explain it right now.” |
| “Stop crying and talk to me.” | “Take all the time you need. I’m not in a hurry.” |
After the Meltdown: Repair Scripts
Repair is where the real work happens. Not during. After. And repair doesn’t require a big conversation — it just requires your child to feel that the relationship is still intact.
Simple repair phrases (pick one, keep it short):
“That was hard. I’m glad we’re on the other side of it.”
“I got too loud earlier. That’s on me. I still love you.”
“You okay? Me too. Want a snack?”
“We both had a rough one. Fresh start?”
“I’m not mad. I’m never not on your team.”
You don’t need to debrief every meltdown. You don’t need to extract an apology or a lesson. Sometimes “want a snack” is the most healing thing you can say.
One More Thing: These Scripts Will Feel Weird at First
They’re going to feel fake. Passive. Like you’re letting your kid run everything. That’s the voice of every parenting message you’ve ever received telling you that firmness equals respect.
Give it two weeks. Watch what happens when you consistently remove the demand-feel from your requests. The kid who fought you on everything doesn’t disappear — but the frequency and intensity of the fighting often drops significantly. Because their nervous system finally has room to breathe.
That’s the goal. Not compliance. Safety first, then connection, then the shoes.
If this helped, you might also want to read: What Is PDA Parenting? A Guide for ADHD Moms, The Grief Nobody Talks About When You Have a Hard Kid, and Why My PDA Kid Won’t Eat.